Logan's Watcher
by LEM
Summary: Logan reflects on who he is while on a walk in the winter woods while someone watchs him who knows of his past life.
1. Logan's Walk

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Logan's Watcher 

By: LEM 

I have reworked my original posting, changed the title and added a chapter.

Standard Disclaimers: The X-Men and their Universes belongs to Marvel and not to me. I am only borrowing them for entertainment not for money. Not one penny has crossed my palm. And I do not own the wonderful music of Queensryche whose soul-searching song "Eyes of a Stranger" is the musical vocalism of what Logan appears to be and a paraphrase of the song appears as part of the story line. With all that Logan has been through it would be strange that he did not suffer to some degree of Post-Traumatic Stress (PTS). He may have a healing factor but that pertains to his body, but not his mind or soul. Otherwise he would not have the missing memories. 

Rating: **R** for some disturbing visions and thoughts. 

Type: Angst

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Chapter 1 Logan's Walk

The walls were staring to close in and the noise of all the students just being their teenaged selves was turning me into a snarling, snapping, wild thing backed into a corner without an escape route. I knew I had to get out of the mansion for a while and get this attitude toned down before someone I cared about got hurt. Pushing my way through the groups of kids, I snatched my jacket up and headed out of the front entryway, stopping only to growl and snarl at Scott when the idiot got in my way wanting to know where was I going. 

He quickly took the hint, without me having to punch him and stepped out of the way. Throwing my jacket on and pulling my gloves out of a pocket I put them on as I went into the garage. There I grabbed the keys to the Harley and hopped on and away I went. Pulling out on the main road I started for my usual blowing off steam place when the animal inside started rising up, but this time I did not want to go to Harry's Hide-A-Way. The thought of being around anybody just set my teeth on edge so I turned around and headed out toward the center of the wildness park area. 

Being the dead of winter with snow on the ground and as deer hunting season was long over, I knew I would be the only person, man or mutant, around for miles. Just what I needed, some time to my self without someone trying to get in my head to see what I was thinking. I needed to be alone for a while so what few memories I have of my fragmented past could perhaps come to me.

After driving for about 30 minutes, I slowed and turned on to the park road. A lot of people would be to afraid to go riding a motorcycle in the winter when it was snowing, but breathing in the cold air scented with the crisp smell of newly falling snow and with scent the evergreen pine trees mixed is one of the more pleasant smells I know of. Nothing like it to clear some of the cobwebs out of this tired old head of mine. After another 20 minutes the road ended, I parked the Harley, got off it and started hiking up the trail on the hill at the end of the road.

There was no sound except for the crunch of my boots in the snow and the almost silent hiss of the falling snow as it hit the ground and the branches. Just me and myself, alone in the snowy woods, if I knew who I was and what was hidden in my past I would be at peace with my self. The past 15 years had been an existence - not a life, just traveling from one bar fight to another until a certain teenage girl in the first bloom of womanhood had jumped into my life and had forced changes. I did not know what my feelings for Marie or Rogue as she preferred to be called were. I only knew that I cared for the girl and if with time the feelings would change to love, I honestly could not say; nor would I presume to know what she felt or what her feelings for me in the future would be. Before I could offer her any sort of affection, whether it be that of a father, brother, lover or just a good friend, I needed to know what type of person I had been. I owed her that at least. 

All I knew that every morning when I looked into the mirror, I was looking into the eyes of a stranger. I knew that the mirror never lied. People always turn away from the eyes of a stranger, too scared to know what hides behind the stare. I wish I knew why I was here and what brought me to where I am now. Always afraid to go to sleep at night because of the nightmares that sleep brought to me. I am tired of the same nightmares, night after night waking me with a silent scream covered in sweat, shaking in sickness and fear. There hidden in my mind , buried so deep are the facts that not even Chuck could find the truth to what happened to me and the why. 

Reaching the top of the hill I looked down at the peaceful vista of a small snow covered tree-lined valley with a small brown deer pawing at the ground attempting to uncover whatever remained of last summer's grass. Then suddenly in my mind's eye flashed a vision of another deer, a large antlered buck running away from a predator. The predator was me, nude except for a strange cumbersome electrical device strapped around my hips, hanging between my legs like an obscene penis, hitting my knees at each stride as I chase the buck through the deep snow. On my head a heavy helmet rested, whispering dark evil commands that I did not want to obey but was compelled to do so. I could smell the buck's fear, hear the rapid beat of its heart as it tried desperately to escape the animal chasing it. It wanted to live, to breathe, and to eat, to breed come next fall; to me, in my animal state, the panicked buck was my prey. It had to die to feed my need.

It ran toward a tall chain-linked fence, sharply turning around as the fence forced it to turn back the way it had traveled. It ran straight onto all six of my extended sharp claws. I howled with triumph and glee as my claws ripped the throat of the buck opened, spilling its hot, crimson blood on the white snow. The scent of blood, salt and copper filled the air as I fell upon the body and start to feed. The taste of the blood, hot and salty, overpowers my senses as I growl and lash out at my keepers as they try to forcefully pull me from my prize I had won.

As quickly as the vision came upon me, it left, causing me to fall to my knees in the cold, wet snow. I screamed out in horror, in disgust with the taste and smell of the slain buck's blood still overpowering my senses. The real and still alive, little deer in the valley startled, in fear it bounded away into the protection of the forest, leaving me completely alone with only my nightmarish memories to keep me company.

Snatches of what the doctors did to me in the long lost past, overpowered me, sending waves upon waves of sharp pain shooting through out my entire body, forcing me to vomit up what little food I had still in my stomach onto the snow. As I relieved the pain, the fear, the loss of self, I was overwhelmed with weakness, my legs would not allow me to stand. I fell completely onto my side, crying and trembling as I tried to stop the flow of those memories. I would not allow myself to be completely unmanned by the powerful fragments of memory that was coursing through my mind.

Just as I felt that I would be made mad from the intensity of the memories, they disappeared leaving a sour foul taste in my mouth. Shaky, I pushed my self into a sitting arrangement, breathing raggedly trying to regain my shattered composure. My pulse racing, I fought to stand so I could plant my feet firmly on the ground, to appear at least that I was still in charge.

Again, memories flash through my mind this time pleasant; a woman's face, not a traditional beauty but beautiful in a otherworldly way with large golden brown eyes and chestnut colored hair; the scent of a perfume, light with just a hint of flowers; the rustling of satin and lace; a soft, smooth hand caressing my fevered brow, a whisper of a soothing voice calming my fears and a haunting melody. I growl in frustration as I try to grasp more of these memories, these hints of something better. But the harder I try to hold onto these few cherished thoughts the faster they fade away leaving me with a sense of loss but also of hope. I know now there is more to me than the fear and the animal berserker with anger and pain, there now is a hope of ending all my sense of loss and self hate.

Calmer and in control, I stand and notice that the snow is now falling quite heavily. I ruefully shake my head at myself and think what an idiot, taking a motorcycle out in a snowstorm when I should have taken the jeep. At least my demons have temporally been locked back up and I now I had a few more fragments to fill in the holes and blanks in my past. I can head back to the mansion with out worrying about killing someone who had crossed me. I start back to the motorcycle to start my journey back to the only home and friends I can remember.


	2. Watcher in the Woods

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Chapter 2 The Watcher in the Woods

I watched the man struggle with his dark thoughts out in the snow, under the trees. He will not see or sense me unless I allow it. I can taste his fear, his sorrow, his lost of self. His pain brings tears to my eyes, but I can not let them fall, as that would allow him to find me, and that I could not allow.

I know this man from another time and place, not so very far from this remnant of the great forest that once covered all the northeastern part of this land. I remembered when he was just little more than a boy, learning the ways of his nature, while running with the wolves. When I saw him running with the gray leader of the pack ,at first I thought I had found another of my kin, it had been aeons since I had danced with my kin under the silver light of the full moon. I started to run to him to fall in the sweet grass of the meadow and welcome him home when I realized that even though he was a type of an immortal, he was not of my kind. His bloodline was that of mankind not mine, even though he did have some qualities of us within him. So I remained hidden from him and I went deeper into the forest. 

Time passed and every once in a while I would see him return , little changed, to the forest to run with the wolves. The passing of the years have no meaning for me as I am one who has little use time or is touched by time. But in the way man keeps tract and breaks the natural flow of the seasons into years, it must have been 100 years or so that had past when I saw him again. He was sorely wounded and driven close to the point of losing what remained of his humanity by what other men had done to him. When I found him, he was laying nude in the snow, covered in blood and horrible wounds. I recoiled and turned to flee back into the forest as the violence emanating from him sickened me.

Then I heard him. "Please help." So soft, so weak was his voice that I had to return and help him. It took all of my being to kneel down in the snow beside him, to cover him with my wrap and pick him up to carry him to my dwelling, a simple cabin in a small clearing. Once there, I laid him in my bed and covered him with furs to warm him. Then I set a bowl of snow near the fire to melt, so I could wash the blood away and tend to his wounds. As the snow in the bowl melted and I threw in and stirred a selection of dried herbs and flowers in the warmed water to aid in healing and keeping infection away from him. 

As I washed the blood away from his body with soft cloths, I was very careful not to touch his bare skin with my hands. I could feel the cold tingle-sting coming up through his skin from where some one had bonded some type of rare metal to his bones. It was not as harmful to me as cold iron would be, but it was still very unpleasant to be that near it. I could feel, through the cloths, the fire raging through his body as it quickly healed itself of all wounds. I watched all the wounds heal, except for the one deep inside around his bones as his healing factor could not push the metal away to allow them to heal naturally. He had that cold metal bonded to him, for good or evil I did not know at that time. All I knew was that I had to bring his fever down or he would burn himself up and die despite his gift. Immortals can die despite their gift, if the wounds are too many and too deep or if they will themselves to death's cold embrace. 

All night I bathed him and soothed his fevered brow. Toward morning his fever broke but was replaced by something more dangerous – chills. I stoked the fire higher and added more furs to the bed, but still he shivered and the bed shook with the force of it. I laid down next to him under the furs and tried to use my body's heat to warm him. It did not working. To save his life, I had to lay nude against him so his skin would react with mind and start to warm.

So I did what I had to do. At first, the cold tingle-sting danced along my entire body like thousands of ants biting me but I held him close with my body covering his. Then the cold tingle-sting went away and was replaced with a warming that I had not felt in a very long time. My body 's desire had re-awoken, as if from a deep sleep and I wanted him. It had been so long since I had felt the desires of spring that I could no longer bring my last partner's face to mind. Even though he was not fully aware, his body reacted with mine and soon all thoughts of why we should not be doing this fell away.

It was magnificence. As he slept in my arms with his head on my breasts, I stroked his hair and hummed an old melody from when I was young. I did not sing it as I could not bear to hear the words in the tongue of my kin and the tongue of humans did not do the medley justice. After a while I slept. 

It was late in the day with the last rays of the winter sun coming through the window when I awoke with a start like a doe realizing that there is a preator near. I looked over at the window and he was standing there looking out the window. Realizing that I was awake he turned and smiled at me, a smile of total peace and happiness. He leaped back into bed with me and gathered me in his arms. 

He kissed me and said, "Great Lady, who are you?" 

He wanted to ask more but I stopped him with another kiss before I gave him my name. "I am Elanna, Lady of the North Woods, James Logan."

"How did.." I stopped him again.

"It does not matter how. Only the now matters." 

Saying that, I pulled him deeper into my embrace and time passed by as day became night and then in turn became dawn. Not wanting to waken him I eased out of bed and stood. Sadly I shook my head. Even though the past hours had been the most wonderful I had experienced in centuries I knew that this time was not the right time for us. It was time that I left this part of the forest and him.

Quickly and quietly, I dressed and gathered up the few belongs I had. I looked back at him sleeping and I knew that for his peace of mind I needed to bury his memories of us and our brief time together deep in his mind so he would not miss me and fail to follow his fate. Sitting down on the bed beside him I used my glamour on him and push all his memories deep inside his mind and put a block around them. Even though it was wrong to tamper it was for his sake as well as for me. I left one thought of this time and place in his mind – the cabin, when ever he need some peace in his life he would return to this place and feel contentment and at peace with his self. 

I left James Logan asleep in the cabin knowing that the people that would be his guides for the next stage of his life were heading at this very moment to the cabin and would discover him. He would think that they were the ones that saved him and they would not deny it for they needed what he had been made into. Whether it is for good or evil purposes, I could not see but I knew that he was a good man deep inside and that would always be his guide. 

As I heard their voices I faded into the forest away from this part of the world. I have only one fear and one regret that will haunt me and worry me. I believe that because I was trying to be kind and bury deep his memory of me I may have also have buried too deep his memory of his own self and leave him with no knowledge of who and what he is. But because of who and what I am I have no choice as the elder ones did not give me permission to reveal our kind to the mortals.

So thus I left, only sensing him briefly ever once in a long while through out my travels these many years since that happy all too brief time in the north woods cabin.. Today was the first time I had seen him and as I watched him and to my everlasting sorrow, I knew that I had also taken his sense of self away from him and knew that I had to some how correct my misguided deed. Gliding down the hill through the trees, silent as the snow falling around me, I following him. Stopping at the edge of the trees at the end of the trail, I watched him mount up on his metal machine and start it. The noise of the machine roaring likes a great beast driving the quiet of the woods away.

As he rode away, I raised my hand toward him and softly said his name, "James Logan." But he appeared not to have heard, so I stood there watching as disappeared into the haze of falling snow wondering if I should follow him this time. Standing in the falling snow like a wrath out of time I stood there hoping that he heard my voice say his name. As the day turned to dusk I found my self stepping onto the parking lot and walking down the road on the same path I watched him take a short time before.

I wonder what the elder ones would think of me, the last of the fair ones, as I followed the one I have chosen to what ever my fate with him would be. I know where he is going and it does not matter how long it takes. I discovered in my heart, mind and soul as I watched his pain that I could no longer take the loneness and the silence that came from the responsibility of this world the elder ones gave me. So thus I left the safety of the woods and walked into the dangerous world of man.

TBC

LEM


	3. Supper

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Chapter 3: Supper

NOTE: _**Italics** _= telepathically speaking (mental voice)

It was late at night as I turned onto the driveway and headed toward the garage so I could get the Harley out of this weather and clean it up. The snow turned into ice and really made a mess of the ride coming back from the wilderness area. I took the ride back slow, as I did not want to spin out and ruin this fine machine. A spinout would not hurt me, but I like this big Harley and wanted to keep on riding it for a while longer. As I got closer to the garage I triggered the door opener and saw Remy on the leeward side having a smoke. He followed me on into the garage.

"Gambit, now he be told in no uncertain terms by Jean to take that stinking thing right out of the house. That Jean, she be one with a temper to match that red hair of hers. And Stormy, she be no help to poor Gambit. All she do is throw this here coat at me and push me out in the cold snow." Remy shrugs his shoulders. "Poor Gambit, all alone out in the cold and snow with no fems to keep him warm."

I laugh and threw a shop towel at him. "Here. Help me dry the Harley off and I'll spot you a beer."

"That be the best offer Gambit done hear tonight."

So we dried and cleaned the Harley and got it put away in its space in the garage. To keep Scott off our backs we mopped up the melted snow and threw the wet towels in the hamper. I made sure the garage was secured and both of us headed up to the main house for some grub and the promised beers. 

We went inside at the kitchen entrance and saw that the school's cook staff had already closed the kitchen up for the night. The main cook was sitting at her table doing some paperwork. She sorta frowns at the both of us when we came in and points at us with her pen. "Supper is long over, boys, and every thing is put away."

Remy goes up to her and works that Cajun charm of his, "Now Cookie, you don't want Poor Gambit to go hungry? Now do you? Just look – Gambit's be all wasted away and about to keel over dead from hunger."

She laughs and says, "You Southern charmer – my old mama told me all about you Cajuns from Naw Orleans. You both know where the food is at and you both are able to cook yourselves something to eat."

"Thanks Cookie" I said and we went to the fridge and quickly pulled out the fixings to make some burgers. I took the patties and threw them on the grill. "How do you want yours, Remy?"

"Gambit he wants his well done – none of that pink stuff showing inside. You hear now?"

"You got it – two burnt ones on the way. Me, I like them a bit on the rare side." I got busy flipping the patties. Remy came over with a pile of thinly sliced onions for me to grill and placed them beside the meat. "Remy – how about slicing some hot peppers to go with this?"

"That be good." A few minutes later he brought me over some sliced peppers and added them to the onions. I added my patties to the grill. I opened the buns and laid them on the grill to lightly toast them knowing that when they were ready so would every thing else.

Cookie came over and took a look at what we were doing. "Pretty good, I could use you both at lunch."

"Oh non, Gambit, he no likes to cook for a bunch of hungry children. They be too mean."

Cookie laughs and says, "You got it right on the money, honey. Now if I leave you boys alone, will you be good and clean up after yourselves?"

We both say at the same time, "Yes, Cookie, we'll clean up. Have a goodnight."

She turned and left waving all four of her arms and hands in the air as she chuckled her way out of the kitchen. 

Getting back to the cooking, I put the buns on the plates Remy had set on the counter beside the grill and then put the patties on the buns. "Grub is ready – come and get it."

Remy came and got his and went over to the cook's table where he had placed the cut up vegetables earlier and sat down. I brought over my plate and the bowl with the grilled onions and peppers in it and joined him. As I dressed my burgers with some Mayo and the grilled onions and peppers, I watched Remy add every thing to his burgers. He smeared the buns heavy with mustard, Mayo and ketchup, then placed sliced cheese on the patties followed by several thick slices of tomatoes, pickles chips, the grilled onions and peppers, and then some lettuce. He added more mustard and Mayo on the top buns and then put them on the stacked bottoms.

Picking up one of his creations, Remy said, "Now this here be the most perfect burger. Logan, your burgers look down right puny. You be sure you don't want any veggies with that?"

I shook my head no as I took a large bite out of one of my burgers. Remy saw the red dripping down on the plate and exclaimed, "That burger, she stills be alive! Listen, Gambit thinks he hears it moo!" 

We both laughed and got to the business of two hungry men eating, drinking some beers and talking about the weather, motorcycles, and sports. Nether one of us brought up past missions, lost friends or politics by unsaid mutual agreement. We both used this brief time in the kitchen to be just ordinary men. 

After eating, Remy and I cleaned up and put every thing away. The kitchen after we finished was up to Cookie's high standard of cleanliness. 

"I'm going to step out side and smoke a quick cigarette before heading to bed."

"Gambit, he join you for one also."

We put on our coats and stepped out side. Remy had already had his pack out and had shook out a couple of cigarettes. I took one and Remy lit both. I had barely taken a drag when Remy pointed toward something standing just outside the woods nearest the garage.

"Logan – what be that?"

There was a tall person shape figure wearing a dark cloak with a hood over its head standing still. I could not smell anything other than the normal every day scents around the mansion. The figure put its hands out in front with both palms facing upwards and started to walk or rather glide toward us. It was like it was not walking in the snow but just above it with out a sound.

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**Wolverine, is there a problem?** 

I heard the Professor's mental voice inside my mind and glanced over to Remy and saw that he also had heard the mental communications, "I don't know Chuck. There might be. Someone is here and I can't smell him."

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**The others are on their way.**

BAMPF! Nightcrawler was the first to appear and he did so right behind our mysterious visitor. Who turned around and faced him. Without warning the visitor collapsed into the snow just as the some of the others team members arrived. We all rushed over to the fallen figure in the snow and I knelt down beside him and turned him over. A collected started gasp was heard from all of us as I pushed the hood away from our visitor's face to reveal the face of a beautiful woman with chestnut colored hair with silver streaks in it. Touching her I caught a scent of her perfume, light with just a hint of flowers. I froze at the sight of this woman, somehow I knew her but I did not know how.

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**Jean – Bring our visitor in to the Infirmary** The Professor's mental voice was heard by all of us. Jean used her telekinetic powers and raised the woman up and floated her into the mansion. We all followed.

Beast was busy setting up the medical analyzer, which was a gift to the X-men from aliens from the far side of the galaxy, when we all entered the Infirmary. As Jean floated the woman to the examination table and lowered her gently on to it's surface, the Professor joined us. Storm assisted Jean in removing her cloak revealing a long knife in a sheaf strapped to a belt around her waist.

"This cloak is so light weight almost like spider silk but warm." Storm remarked as she folded it up and set it aside.

Jean withdrew the knife from it's sheaf and passed it over to Scott and then unbuckled the belt with the sheaf attached, slid it from underneath the woman and gave it to Storm. Scott examined the knife and said, "The blade is not metal. It almost looks like it is a diamond and the hilt is gold."

"Let Gambit see, he'll tell you it that's right or not." Remy walked over and took the knife and looked at it. "This here knife is the biggest diamond that Gambit ever seen and is first rate. The gold she be really pure but it be hard instead of soft like most gold this pure. Gambit now he wonders how this here knife was made."

"The leatherwork and beading on the belt and the sheaf is extraordinary and very beautiful" Storm remarked while looking at the belt. "The pattern reminds me of a carved stone block I once saw at the London Museum that came from a barrow tomb found near the celebrated circle of nineteen stones, which is seen on the road to the Land's End, known as the Boscawen un Circle." 

I walked over to the examination table while Beast was scanning the woman and lightly brushed her long soft hair out of her face and pushed the silver strands behind her ears revealing that they were pointed at the top, almost like Nightcrawler's. "Hank is she a mutant also?"

"One moment, my good friends and I will have the results," Beast replied as he downloaded the scanner into his PC. We waited while the PC analyzed the results of the scan. Beasts pushed the print key and grab the paper over the print. He hummed in his throat and pushed his glasses higher up his muzzle as they had slid down as he read the results to himself.

"Well?" We all asked.

"She is neither human or mutant. Nor is she alien as the scan shows that she is of earthly origin. The scan, however does not reveal what she is."

I looked down at the woman and saw that she was looking up at me with her large golden brown eyes open.

TBC


End file.
